Schemas - what are yours?

Schemas in your mind are like the index cards in a library. They help you make sense of the data that you are receiving on an everyday basis.

Schemas will then help you categorise, prioritise, and decide what the appropriate behaviour might be. Think of a child going to her first birthday party. How should she behave? Depending on what her parents told her, a schema was formed. 

But schemas continue well into adulthood. In fact, they get cemented as we get older. We might even call it our personality.

So, what are the kinds of schemas, and how can you identify your own?

Let me focus on maladaptive schemas, as they affect us more adversely than those that help you live a happy life.

Take unrelenting standards, for example. In this schema, we believe that we must constantly strive to meet very high standards of behaviour and achievement. You might call yourself a perfectionist.

 But aiming for unattainable results will make you unhappy.

Just to be clear, don’t confuse this with the other extreme schema of being a pessimist, someone who gives up before starting. You must try; just be balanced in your expectations.

Another maladaptive schema is punitiveness towards others. In such a schema, you believe that people should be punished harshly for their mistakes.

You struggle to forgive others, even for minor mistakes. You may believe you are morally superior, and it is your right to punish others. You might lack empathy or compassion.

 Another schema is self-sacrificing. You believe that the needs of others are far more important than your own. You must always meet others' needs, even if it hurts you.

In case none of these schemas resonate, rest assured that you have schemas in your head. You just need to identify which one.

Then ask yourself, is this doing good or hard for you?

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